Another Dragon Age fanfic, this time from Dragon Age 2. I just completed my first play through last night and have still been thinking of the ending the whole day. I still don't feel Anders was justified with what he did. Is sad.
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| Fenris, Varric, Hawke and Anders |
"Hawke, you're not going to like what I have to say since I've brought it up before and you shot me down, but after that incident at the Hanged Man, I feel... obliged to give my opinion."
Marian didn't like where Anders was going with this conversation. They were at Anders' clinic in Darktown. The mage was pointedly avoiding her gaze, instead choosing to concentrate on the salve he was mixing for one of his patients.
Anders was her friend and companion. Being both mages and apostates, Marian could often sympathize with Anders' views on mages. She often took his side when a difficult decision needed to be made, simply because she also wished an end to mage oppression. But sometimes, it seemed to her that Anders was pushing things too far, that he was walking a very thin line, and that one day, he might just go over the edge.
Yet, she trusted him. Even as he asked her to do things and wouldn't explain why. She only wished he would trust her as well.
The raven-haired mage crossed her arms across her chest and regarded the Warden. "I hope this is better than your last 'advice'", she said dryly.
"Well..." The blonde mage hesitated, knowing she wouldn't like this one bit. "It's about Fenris."
Marian's cobalt blue eyes narrowed and the glare she directed at him could have set the feathers on his coat on fire. Anders shifted uncomfortably.
"How dare you bring this up again? You already made your point quite clear when we crawled through that filth in the sewers." Her tone turned harsh. "Need I remind you that Fenris was there, helping you? And you had to throw that dog insult to his face!"
Anders flinched. "I... I didn't really mean for it to come out that way. And really Hawke, he was there because you brought him along. He certainly wouldn't have helped me if you hadn't been there."
"You still benefited from his presence or would you rather have fought all those Lyrium Smugglers and Blood Mages alone?"
"Look, I still stand by my opinion that I feel you need someone more open-minded. Which brings me back to the original topic I wanted to talk to you about." The blonde mage finally set the salve aside and looked at her directly. It seemed to Marian that Anders wasn't going to let the subject drop until she heard him out.
That didn't mean she couldn't let him know how unwelcome she thought his opinion would be, though. Especially if it concerned Fenris. Everyone knew what Anders thought of him.
The Champion didn't even bother to hide her disgust. "Fine." was all she said.
"After the confrontation with Danarius at the Hanged Man, I got to thinking that perhaps Fenris has been drawn to you because you're another mage." The Warden began, "Psychologically, slaves that know no other kind of existence unconsciously seek the only way of life they have ever known. Repulsive as it may sound. It has been ingrained in him to please his master and in Danarius' absence, he turned to you. The one dominating force in his life. Unconsciously, he tries to please you, craves your attention, despite knowing you're a mage. Why else would he still follow you when you are the very thing he loathes? An abomination waiting to happen as far as he's concerned. He even protects mages for you. Fights for them. Don't you think you are making him do things he'd rather not?"
Marian couldn't hold it any longer. She slapped him. Hard. His words hurt more than she thought they would and struck a chord inside her. She wanted to defend Fenris. Why couldn't it be that the answer to all what Anders said was simply that Fenris loved her? But the blonde mage had already planted the seed of doubt in her mind. If she truly loved Fenris, wasn't she preventing him from being what he truly was?
There was some truth in Anders' words. She had asked those questions herself many times. She often wondered why Fenris would still choose to go along her decisions despite voicing out his disagreement.
She could argue that she never forced Fenris to do anything he didn't want to do. He decided on his own. But if he still had a slave mentality like Anders suggested, then essentially, he was doing it because he felt that was what she wanted.
Anders felt the stinging slap of her open palm on his cheek but made no further comment. He studied her in silence and seeing the expression on her face made him die a little inside. He had fallen for her three years ago, even before she became the Champion. She was a remarkable woman, strong, capable and a mage like him. He believed that she, of all people, would understand how he felt about the plight of mages. And she did. Marian did everything in her power to protect the mages. Even after her own mother was killed by a deranged blood mage.
Right now, she looked like he had punched her in the gut and he knew his words had hit home. What he hadn't counted on, was seeing the depths of her feelings for the elf right there in her beautiful blue eyes. He realized he'd always carried the hope that she would see reason one day. That she would see he was the better option.
Clearly, it was never meant to happen.
Marian slowly turned her back, refusing to look at him lest her eyes betray anything more. "You're wrong Anders." She said quietly though the Warden felt she was trying to convince herself as much as him. "He's not like that. He would never willingly go back to that life. And it's not like he's the only one who disagrees with me. Even you and I don't always see eye to eye at some point and yet you're still with me. The same could be said of Aveline, or Merrill. I don't condone blood magic but you don't see me turning over Merrill, do you? And Isabela! Maker, but that woman just gets on my nerves. You just don't know him."
"And you do?" Anders mocked, trying to mask his own hurt. "Danarius called him his little 'pet', if I remember. You looked surprised when he asked if you were jealous. Just how much do you really know about him?"
Marian whirled around angrily. "What does that have to do with anything!?" At that moment, she possessed a burning, raging hate for Anders. She regretted having him witness Fenris' humiliation. Danarius had been goading him, dropping innuendos until Fenris snapped and attacked his former master. Remembering Danarius' words made her wish the magister was still alive so she could kill him all over again. Slowly this time.
Realizing his mistake, Anders tried to undo the damage. "I'm sorry, Hawke. That was a low blow..." Whatever he was going to say next was cut off when Marian held up a hand for silence.
"I've had enough of this Anders." The Champion finally stated, still glaring at him. "You can just mind your own business and keep your opinions to yourself. Whatever his reasons are for staying with me, I'm just glad that he's there at all. And while he opposes my views, he hasn't betrayed me yet."
She then stormed off his clinic, shoulder-length raven-black hair fluttering behind her.
He was an ass. That much he was certain. All he ever wanted was for her to see some sense. Coward that he was, he couldn't bring himself to let her know how he felt.
Her last words kept reverberating in his brain. Did she have any idea what she just said? He was about to betray her in the worst way possible. All in the name of freedom.
Anders shut his eyes and prayed to the Maker she would understand.
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