Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Unwelcome Advice


Another Dragon Age fanfic, this time from Dragon Age 2. I just completed my first play through last night and have still been thinking of the ending the whole day. I still don't feel Anders was justified with what he did. Is sad.
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Fenris, Varric, Hawke and Anders
"Hawke, you're not going to like what I have to say since I've brought it up before and you shot me down, but after that incident at the Hanged Man, I feel... obliged to give my opinion."

Marian didn't like where Anders was going with this conversation. They were at Anders' clinic in Darktown. The mage was pointedly avoiding her gaze, instead choosing to concentrate on the salve he was mixing for one of his patients.

Anders was her friend and companion. Being both mages and apostates, Marian could often sympathize with Anders' views on mages. She often took his side when a difficult decision needed to be made, simply because she also wished an end to mage oppression. But sometimes, it seemed to her that Anders was pushing things too far, that he was walking a very thin line, and that one day, he might just go over the edge.

Yet, she trusted him. Even as he asked her to do things and wouldn't explain why. She only wished he would trust her as well.

The raven-haired mage crossed her arms across her chest and regarded the Warden. "I hope this is better than your last 'advice'", she said dryly.

"Well..." The blonde mage hesitated, knowing she wouldn't like this one bit. "It's about Fenris."

Marian's cobalt blue eyes narrowed and the glare she directed at him could have set the feathers on his coat on fire. Anders shifted uncomfortably.

"How dare you bring this up again? You already made your point quite clear when we crawled through that filth in the sewers." Her tone turned harsh. "Need I remind you that Fenris was there, helping you? And you had to throw that dog insult to his face!"

Anders flinched. "I... I didn't really mean for it to come out that way. And really Hawke, he was there because you brought him along. He certainly wouldn't have helped me if you hadn't been there."

"You still benefited from his presence or would you rather have fought all those Lyrium Smugglers and Blood Mages alone?"

"Look, I still stand by my opinion that I feel you need someone more open-minded. Which brings me back to the original topic I wanted to talk to you about." The blonde mage finally set the salve aside and looked at her directly. It seemed to Marian that Anders wasn't going to let the subject drop until she heard him out.

That didn't mean she couldn't let him know how unwelcome she thought his opinion would be, though. Especially if it concerned Fenris. Everyone knew what Anders thought of him.

The Champion didn't even bother to hide her disgust. "Fine." was all she said.

"After the confrontation with Danarius at the Hanged Man, I got to thinking that perhaps Fenris has been drawn to you because you're another mage." The Warden began, "Psychologically, slaves that know no other kind of existence unconsciously seek the only way of life they have ever known. Repulsive as it may sound. It has been ingrained in him to please his master and in Danarius' absence, he turned to you. The one dominating force in his life. Unconsciously, he tries to please you, craves your attention, despite knowing you're a mage. Why else would he still follow you when you are the very thing he loathes? An abomination waiting to happen as far as he's concerned. He even protects mages for you. Fights for them. Don't you think you are making him do things he'd rather not?"

Marian couldn't hold it any longer. She slapped him. Hard. His words hurt more than she thought they would and struck a chord inside her. She wanted to defend Fenris. Why couldn't it be that the answer to all what Anders said was simply that Fenris loved her? But the blonde mage had already planted the seed of doubt in her mind. If she truly loved Fenris, wasn't she preventing him from being what he truly was?

There was some truth in Anders' words. She had asked those questions herself many times. She often wondered why Fenris would still choose to go along her decisions despite voicing out his disagreement.

She could argue that she never forced Fenris to do anything he didn't want to do. He decided on his own. But if he still had a slave mentality like Anders suggested, then essentially, he was doing it because he felt that was what she wanted.

Anders felt the stinging slap of her open palm on his cheek but made no further comment. He studied her in silence and seeing the expression on her face made him die a little inside. He had fallen for her three years ago, even before she became the Champion. She was a remarkable woman, strong, capable and a mage like him. He believed that she, of all people, would understand how he felt about the plight of mages. And she did. Marian did everything in her power to protect the mages. Even after her own mother was killed by a deranged blood mage.

Right now, she looked like he had punched her in the gut and he knew his words had hit home. What he hadn't counted on, was seeing the depths of her feelings for the elf right there in her beautiful blue eyes. He realized he'd always carried the hope that she would see reason one day. That she would see he was the better option.

Clearly, it was never meant to happen.

Marian slowly turned her back, refusing to look at him lest her eyes betray anything more. "You're wrong Anders." She said quietly though the Warden felt she was trying to convince herself as much as him. "He's not like that. He would never willingly go back to that life. And it's not like he's the only one who disagrees with me. Even you and I don't always see eye to eye at some point and yet you're still with me. The same could be said of Aveline, or Merrill. I don't condone blood magic but you don't see me turning over Merrill, do you? And Isabela! Maker, but that woman just gets on my nerves. You just don't know him."

"And you do?" Anders mocked, trying to mask his own hurt. "Danarius called him his little 'pet', if I remember. You looked surprised when he asked if you were jealous. Just how much do you really know about him?"

Marian whirled around angrily. "What does that have to do with anything!?" At that moment, she possessed a burning, raging hate for Anders. She regretted having him witness Fenris' humiliation. Danarius had been goading him, dropping innuendos until Fenris snapped and attacked his former master. Remembering Danarius' words made her wish the magister was still alive so she could kill him all over again. Slowly this time.

Realizing his mistake, Anders tried to undo the damage. "I'm sorry, Hawke. That was a low blow..." Whatever he was going to say next was cut off when Marian held up a hand for silence.

"I've had enough of this Anders." The Champion finally stated, still glaring at him. "You can just mind your own business and keep your opinions to yourself. Whatever his reasons are for staying with me, I'm just glad that he's there at all. And while he opposes my views, he hasn't betrayed me yet."

She then stormed off his clinic, shoulder-length raven-black hair fluttering behind her.

He was an ass. That much he was certain. All he ever wanted was for her to see some sense. Coward that he was, he couldn't bring himself to let her know how he felt.

Her last words kept reverberating in his brain. Did she have any idea what she just said? He was about to betray her in the worst way possible. All in the name of freedom.

Anders shut his eyes and prayed to the Maker she would understand.

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Sunday, March 11, 2012

Summer is hotter with Banana Boat Sunscreen Lotion, Schick, & Nuffnang

“Schick. Free your skin.”

“Banana Boat Sunscreen Lotion. We’ve got you covered.”

   My ideal Nuffnang summer is a far cry from what normal vacationers chose to do because I would dearly love to swim with clear, squishy invertebrates in Siargao. Yes! You read that right! I'm talking about the pretty stingless jellyfish of Sohoton Cove in Bucas Grande, a paradise in the Philippines comparable to El Nido or Boracay. Ever since I first read about this little piece of information, I've been longing to fly all the way to Mindanao just for this experience. Besides, the only other place where you can swim with stingless jellyfish is in Palau. Why go abroad when I can fulfill the very same dream right here in our motherland? It's more fun in the Philippines, after all!

Wanna swim with the Jellyfish?

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This post is a contest entry for Nuffnang Philippines. I hope I win! Thanks to Banana Boat, Schick and Nuffnang for this chance to win!

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Thursday, March 8, 2012

A Hidden Side

Another fanfiction from Dragon Age.
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Alistair, Sienne, Morrigan, Zevran at the Proving Grounds


"You like him, don't you?" Leliana asked nonchalantly as she walked beside the raven-haired female through the streets of Denerim. "I see you watching him sometimes. When you think no one's looking." The hustle and bustle of the city streets was loud enough to muffle the bard's words so that Sienne, alone, could hear them. She glanced back at the others, some distance away, but they all looked preoccupied.

"I don't know what you mean." Sienne hoped Leliana would take the hint. She didn't really feel like discussing anything right now. She had finally set foot in Denerim, and eager to see her family in the elven alienage. It had been months since she had last seen them after her disastrous wedding.

"Do you not?" Leliana asked slyly. Apparently, the bard wasn't letting her off the hook. "I thought you and Alistair had something going on. After you shared that kiss in the Elven Ruins which had the poor boy blushing for days if he so much as looked at you."

"Lel!" Sienne abruptly stopped and faced her grinning friend. The bard had succeeded in gaining her attention and was well pleased with herself. The Warden sighed.

"Well, if you must know, nothing happened with Alistair beyond that. He's a dear friend but I just think we're too different to make it work."

The ever perceptive Chantry sister raised a single eyebrow. "That's not the answer to my original question, you know. He's not the one I was talking about."

The Warden was exasperated. "You already know the answer, don't you? You just want me to admit it." Sienne accused. Leliana's grin widened even more, confirming her statement. Sienne sighed. Might as well get it over with.

"Yes, I do like him."

"I knew it!" Leliana's sudden outburst drew curious glances from their companions. She immediately lowered her voice and pulled the raven-haired elf even further away from the group to continue the conversation.

"He's been with us for a long time now. Has fought with us and protected each of us at least once during our battles. He hasn't tried to assassinate you since that first time. And since your conversation with him last night at the campfire, you seem ... I don't know. Distracted." Leliana watched her intently. It was natural for the bard to try and get to know those she traveled with. And now, unfortunately for Sienne, Leliana was picking up the subtle nunances of her gestures.

Sienne looked away. "He opened up to me last night, when I asked him about his adventures. Somehow, the subject of the conversation went to his last mission. Leliana... when he went after us, he fully expected to fail."

Comprehension dawned and the bard's eyes widened as the full meaning of the words sank in. "Zevran... came to us to die?" She whispered softly.

The elven woman nodded slowly. That confession was still replaying itself in her mind. Over and over. "I cannot tell you what prompted him to do that. It is for him to do if he so wishes."

"But.. What if he was lying? He is a master at the art of treachery." Leliana pointed out. She knew all about manipulating people, had done it herself many times, in fact.

"You weren't there when he said it, Leliana. He speaks the truth." The Warden was absolutely certain of her words. "And even if I doubted him, which I don't, the Guardian at the Gauntlet confirmed his regret of his final mission."

"The Guardian of the Urn of Sacred Ashes." Leliana said breathlessly. Being a former Chantry sister, the bard couldn't help the reverence in her voice.

"He gives the pretense that he is shallow. That there is nothing to him but murder and sex. But that is not true at all." The elven warden went on. "It was the only life he ever knew and he embraced it to survive. I have never known a man who has gone through so much and can still afford to laugh, to enjoy life, and not be embittered by his experiences. At the very least, I'm surprised he doesn't feel like the world owes him. Zevran is risking his own life fighting alongside us to save the world from the Blight. A world that has not even been kind to him."

The warden fell silent then and the bard didn't feel the need to break it. Her innocent teasing had revealed much more about the enigmatic assassin than she had intended. And the more she knew, the more her view of him changed.

Sienne looked lost in her own thoughts now. Leliana thought it best to leave her friend with a warning, though.

"Be careful, Sienne, the way things are going now, you might just fall in love with him."

The warden was suddenly jolted back to earth by the bard's words and gave the flame-haired female an incredulous look before Leliana slipped away to join the others.

For a brief instant, her emerald eyes met Zevran's soft, brown ones. He smiled at her and Sienne found herself stupidly smiling back at him. Deep in her heart, she wondered if it would be so bad to fall for the incorrigible assassin.

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Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Unexpected Turn of Events

Ok. This is a fan fiction written based on my current favorite video game: Dragon Age Origins. It's written solely for my benefit because I gotta let it out before I explode and more might follow. I suppose I should post it in some DAO forum but for the moment, it's staying here.
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    "Sienne! Have you changed your mind yet?" Alistair was fuming. Zevran knew the male Grey Warden was intentionally raising his voice to make sure he heard. Made sure everybody heard.

    The blond man made no secret of his dislike of the elven assassin now standing quietly near the campfire. No one rose to challenge him either. It seemed everyone else in their little band shared his sentiments. Except possibly the qunari who didn't seem to care either way. The witch certainly voiced out her thoughts but then never brought it up again. Even Zevran knew the templar's behavior was not surprising.

    It was Sienne's that was. He had come to her to die and she had let him live. The irony of it all wasn't lost on him.

    At the moment, the female elf had her arms crossed with a narrowed glance at Alistair.

    "For the fifth and final time, Alistair, I haven't. And I won't. He hasn't done anything since then." Then lowered her voice to mutter. "Not yet, anyway." To which Zevran had to grin. So she wasn't completely out of her mind, then.

    "So are you just going to wait for him to actually do something?" The templar wasn't about to give up easily. "And what if you happened to be dead by then? He's an assassin!" Zevran wondered if Alistair saw him as a threat in more ways than one. He certainly seemed to have more than a passing interest in the raven-haired Warden's well-being.

    Strangely enough, Sienne smiled. "He can try again any time he wants." Zevran's eyes widened. She wasn't looking at him, was in fact still facing Alistair. But he knew those words were meant for him. A challenge, perhaps?

    The assassin had to hide a smile. This was getting interesting. The templar finally admitted defeat and moved away from her but not before glaring in his direction. The Antivan elf smirked. He liked ruffling the templar's feathers.

    He supposed that Sienne's words had not been an empty boast. Like him, she was a rogue and equally experienced in the art of stealth and thievery. He'd seen her in combat and all that backstabbing would make any assassin proud. But perhaps she underestimated an Antivan Crow? Zevran's brow wrinkled. Or perhaps not. He was, after all, indentured to her right now.

    He stole a glance at her, and was surprised that she was staring back at him, a thoughtful expression in her emerald-green eyes. She seemed just as surprised to have been caught looking at him and immediately stood up to engage Leliana in conversation. It was hard to tell by the firelight if she was blushing or not.

    The assassin surmised that despite her words, the female Warden was, indeed, wary of him. Why she even spared him was a question he meant to have the answer to in the days to come. Certainly, it couldn't have been because of that comment about her being a deadly sex goddess? Could it?

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Hind Sight

I'm amused again. I was reading my ex's forum posts in PEX. He has no idea I have an account there and have been shadowing his posts ever since I accidentally saw one of his usual screen names.

I only visit PEX to post in the Travel and Leisure section to get advice on a particular destination. In fact, I've posted nowhere else and just lurk most of the time. Then by sheer coincidence, his username jumped out at me on the main forum page. He was the last one to post.

At first, I was just curious. Surely it couldn't be him. Must be someone else using the same username. So I click the post and.... voila! His avatar is his own baby picture which was also on his FB then. Lol.

So I use the search function to find ALL his posts. Haha. I was quite proud of my discovery. What dark, horrible secrets did he have to tell under an anonymous persona?

Turned out he frequented - what else - the Love and Relationships section.  Oh he had some juicy tidbits to share about my past with him. And what makes me smile all of the time is that he usually changes the story to suit his ego. And I find it a highly entertaining read!

He exaggerates sometimes, saying we lasted for 4 years, when it was only 3 (2 years and 11 months to be exact).  Or saying we had breakup sex. We didn't. I never even kissed him after we broke up. Lol.  I specifically remember an incident when he got angry because I refused to let him kiss me.

Still, what amused me just today was what he said about our relationship. As usual, he was giving a love advice to someone in need (wonder how he got so experienced when I was his first gf?). Then he mentioned that his past relationship with his ex (meaning me obviously) was similar to the poster's.

He said that after several years together, the spark was fading. This was true. But mostly because I never really loved him but that was my mistake, not his. And I will always regret that decision. That I even stayed that long with him.

Then he said that we felt we had to end it. He said he felt bored, stopped being sweet and basically didn't do anything to try and save the relationship. He just let it go. Now, this is what amuses me because it was I, who felt all these things and not him. Even a year into the relationship, I already felt like this which is why I sought solace from a past love. This past love was someone I can honestly say I fell in love with but it never really worked out. And even after a year, still wouldn't work out. Long story short, I remained with my ex.

And I stayed for another 2 years with my ex all for stupid, selfish reasons even though I knew from the start that I would never love him, namely:

1.  He loved me. I was sure of this.
2.  I didn't think I would meet anyone else (I have no idea why I thought this. I must have been desperately insecure.)
3. I already slept with him (yeah dumb reason)
4. I was afraid of being alone.
5. We were living together in a shared apartment. Leaving would mean a total inconvenience for me. (Looking for a new apartment, moving, financial matters, etc.)
6. Maybe, just maybe, if I stayed with him long enough, I could learn to love him like he did me. (wishful thinking)

And when it finally came down to it, all these stupid reasons couldn't hold a candle to what I was feeling: major unhappiness. It came to a point that the thought of ending up married to him literally brought me to tears. He had no ambition, no direction in life. No backbone, didn't know what he wanted and couldn't keep a job. Couldn't even leave a job properly (he went AWOL on his last job) and left me to pay for food and bills.

Every time I came home, he was playing Cabal. And on my PC, no less. He wasn't even looking for a job.

Ironically, it was looking for another apartment that was the hardest reason to leave him. Lol. I just couldn't find the time nor the resources to plan to leave. I kept thinking that if only this had happened in the province where I lived, it would have been so easy to break up and go home. But then, my home was his home too. Sigh.

So finally, I started not to care. I went on trips with friends. I played dota every weekend, coming home late at night or sleeping over somewhere else. I didn't care if he had dinner or not, if the money I left him was enough to buy his food or what. I didn't ask what he did, if he was still looking for a job. I didn't even feel like talking at all. We didn't have much to talk about anyway.

I was waiting for him to get fed up too. We started to do a routine. I wake up, leave for work. I come home. We go out to have dinner without talking about anything really. Return, then I'll be on my PC until I sleep and basically just ignore him. Sometimes, when I eat out with my friends, we don't even have dinner together. And I started to eat out frequently, too.

Sometimes, when I leave on a weekend to shop or do something, he says he'll accompany me. And I say no, just stay here and play Cabal. Inwardly, what I really mean is, yeah stay here since that's the only thing you know how to do well anyway. Besides, I'd have to pay for your fare and food too if you come with me.

My colleagues told me several times to invite him to play dota with us. I never did. I didn't want him invading

I was so mean, wasn't I?

Another thing he wrote in his forum post was that he believed he could've saved our relationship. Now I really wonder where he got that idea. He couldn't have done anything even if he crawled and begged me. Why? Because I didn't love him. I never did. Every time I said those words to him, I knew I was lying. If I did, I'd probably be the one doing the crawling and begging. I'm pathetic like that. Like with my ex before him.

Our breakup was equally anticlimatic. As usual, we were preparing  to go out to have our routine talkless dinner when out of the blue, he asked: "Do you still love me?".

And me, being the subtle person that I am, couldn't really blurt out "No" to his face so I kept quiet. That was enough for him. And finally, finally. We broke up. It was great timing too because if he hadn't brought up the topic, I would've done so by that week.

I couldn't begin to describe how happy I was on the days that followed. I had never felt so free before, or even realized how imprisoned I felt. Even my office mates noticed and said so. They just didn't know why.

And also, I was already falling for one of my colleagues then. We're together now, and planning our upcoming wedding in 2013.

But that's not the point.  I was talking about my ex's forum post. He said he waited for me to say that I got tired because he was a gentleman. On the contrary, as I mentioned above, he was the first to open the topic. But maybe he just forgot. For me, that memory was crystal clear because it was one of my major turning points.

Other times, I glean information about our mutual friends. He doesn't even try to hide some of their names. I think he's confident that he knows no one in PEX. Lol.

I don't really follow his every post. It's just during times like this, when I'm bored in the office that I remember to check. The last time I did was probably three or four months ago.

I have no intention to let him know that I know, of course. Let him talk about me or anyone else he pleases. I'll be the lurker I always was. If that's the only outlet he has to feel good about himself, then who am I to get in his way? Besides, no harm was done.

Of course, he may stumble upon my blog and read this post and he'll find out that I know. But it'll be too late then. Lol.

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